I'm sitting here at work, contemplating my life and all of my struggles, shooing away bees, and chain smoking menthols. Long hours. Three hours down, 10 more to go. I understand that it may seem petty to bitch about a job in which very little is required of me. Being a security guard is not exactly challenging. However, I do spend a lot of time attempting to figure out my life. I'll go into 5 of the main things in my life right now.
1) Thought I was gay for a lot of years, but I now identify as "pansexual" which basically means I am attracted to personalities over physical attributes. Met a man who keeps a smile on my face and a giddy feeling in my stomach, and for the first time in a very long time I feel desirable. :)
2) I need to find another job. My bills are greater than my paychecks and I'm riding the struggle bus for a little while. Taking applications for a sugar daddy. Haha. I've never really been concerned with money. I do understand that they make more every day and that there are thousands of ways for me to earn a living. Sometimes, it's just hard to look at an empty bank account.
3) My roommate is moving out in a month. She had a falling out with her beau and cannot live in the apartment due to the memories. I think that is total bullshit, but I won't complain. She drives me crazy. We are currently going on a week-long dishes strike. I usually grab food on the way to work, so the dishes in the sink are not mine. I'm not caving this time. She comes home from work at 4:30pm and goes to bed until 7am. It's unhealthy to sleep that much. She also runs up the electric bill, leaves her shit everywhere, and still cannot manage to take the trash out. I did get new hardwood floors which look incredible and make me feel better, so that's a plus.
4) The idea of having kids and starting a family is growing on me. We'll see where that takes me.
5) I have always had a lot of confidence in myself as a human being. I walked around like I was cool shit and had everything figured out. Not so much anymore. Now, don't get me wrong, I still think I'm cool as hell (:P) but the media has a way of really getting to a girl. I'm too fat, too mannish, I don't wear makeup, I don't paint my fingernails. I don't care about celebrities, and the news is depressing. Yet, I know that no one feels worthy of the breaths s/he is taking. The media does a good job of making every individual feel like an inadequate piece of shit. So, fuck you media. Fuck you and your fall outfits and new diet plans and workout tips. Fuck you and your ability to make beautiful people feel like they aren't worthy of love and attention. And fuck you so hard for ever making me feel like I don't deserve happiness.
-Long Hours-
#shitthatpissesmeoff
Here is a picture of a llama.
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